My Confession

Let me call you Father Joe and I have a confession to make. Part of it is no longer a secret to you but there are still some that you need to  know. And as you read my confession today  may your heart understand how painful and difficult it is to bear the pains of nostalgia  of our gone by romance; you mean so much to me that I can’t stop my heart from missing you and yearning of your love. And yes, I am crying but you are not here anymore to wipe away those tears in my eyes.

Is it a sin to keep this feeling for so long a time? I have not seen you for a long longtime and the only image I have of you is when you said, “I am leaving.” Yes you left father Joe; but you left too a large imprint of your image in my heart. You also left me a wound that will only heal when I hear you say, ” here I am back and I will never leave you again.” But when will that be father Joe? When will I feel again the warmth of your embrace , the magic of your touch, and   the spell of your whisper wheny you say, “I love you.” Tell me, when will I feel  that gentle touch and hear words again?

We may be a few miles away from each other but I haven’t heard from you since then; not even a “hi” nor  a “how are you.” I know you kept your distance from even greater each day; perhaps a hundred or thousand miles so I will never be able to reach you. Or maybe you’re afraid that a mere a sight of me will be compelling enough to disrupt you with your spiritual journey to life. You are  happy there; it’s your world; and this is the totality of your transformed being. You have given your life to serve the Lord in your chosen vocation and I have no reason  to flaunt you with your decision. All I could say, you left me here to bear alone  the pains of loving you with all of my heart only to lose you at the end…

Happy Father’s Day father Joe, you could have been a good father to our children should our romance  been ended in a wedding. It has been some ten years ago when we when two young idealistic people met. I am a dreamer and you’re the philospher. We both shared our dreams but had them written only in the sand; so when the rain had fallen and the wind came by they were gone though the thousands grains of sand that served as the medium have remained in place. You may have forgotten now our dreams father Joe but I still keep them locked in my heart sealed with nothing but the memories of our love.

Yes I have written several chapters to make a book of my life with you but I have no strength and courage to write the last chapter. I reserved it for you. For who can write it for me father Joe but you? I want to hear from you again. I want to know what is in your mind. I want to know if I still have even a little spot at the middle of heart. As of now there’s not much I can do but wait… however to let you go is out of the option. Meanwhile I am here waiting, hoping, and at times cyingin my heart with only the rain listening to my pains.

Padre patawarin po sana ninyo ako kung ako man ay nagkasala. Ako’y isang tao lamang na may pusong umibing at natutong maghamal ng labis labis. Ngunit ako’y isang mortal lamang na maari ding masaktan. Nawa’y dumating din ang araw na buong puso kung tatangapin hindi tayo’y laan para sa isa’t-isa.

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12 Responses to “My Confession”

  1. Doc.bobonyo Says:

    I don’t know what to say. just dropped by to greet your dad and all dads in the world “Happy father’s day.”

    All I could say learn to forget if you can and move on. There are still many wonderful guys to meet in this world. Someday you will know why things happened differently from our expectations. Each one of us has a destiny.

    But you are right when you decided not to write the closing chapter yet in your life. I have this nun friend who waited for so long for her pilot boyfriend in the past to return. She was long out of her vocation when Captain Oscar suddenly came back to her at their early sixties. They got married and happily growing in their relationship each day.

    Seg, there is nothing final yet for as long as we live. The more we should be faithful to the Lord who guides and holds the destiny of all the people in the world.

    Di ba sabi sa kanta, “May Bukas Pa”?

  2. KapitanKidlat Says:

    Seg,
    Tama ka kahit pari ay puwedi ring tawagin father. Kasi may mga pari na may pamilya din, ibig ko lang sabihin na ama sila ng simbahan at ang ang mga maninimba ang kanilang pamilya.
    Mas malaking responsibilidad ang maging ama ng simbahan key sa isang biological na pamilya. Dito maraming pumupuna sa iyo.
    Sa akin naman marami din akong pagkukulang sa aking pamilya pero lahat naman ay ginagawa ko para maituwid ang lahat. Hindi kasi tayo perpekto.

  3. Cocoy Says:

    Happy Father’s Day

  4. Colegialagirl Says:

    Hoy Segundina

    Huwag ka ngang nagi-emote diyan na para kang pinagbagsakan ng langit at di bagay sa iyo.

    Everytime na lang ba na nagsi-celebrate ng father’s day ay lagi mong naala-ala si father, hehehe.

    Kurotin kaya kita diyan.

  5. jiMboy Says:

    Ooooh.. Ang lungkot ng post. I do understand your pain. For now, it’s hard forgetting and you’ll most probably choose the agony than getting over it. After mu naman ramdamin ng husto ung sakit, then you’ll choose na to detach from the pain. I’m sure makakayanan mu yan. In time!😀

  6. secondlady Says:

    jiMboy, thank you very much for the comment.

  7. Colegialagirl Says:

    Seg,

    Hayaan mo at haharanain ka ng mga lolo para sumaya ka naman. Tahan na sa kaiiyak baby hehehe.

  8. secondlady Says:

    Ikaw talaga girl nakakainis ka.

  9. Colegialagirl Says:

    Seg, ito pa mas matindi, manood ka at pakinggan mo.

  10. Colegialagirl Says:

    Tutal mahilig ka rin naman sa nostalgia, ito pakinggan mo. Hehe may kahawig yata yung tumutogtog. Babay na…

  11. joy Says:

    Parang may concert d2. Aray, rubbing salt with injury na to a… Naghanap pa po kayo ng kahawig ng bida a… hehe.

    galing talagang magresearch si best friend. Matabataba lang ng kaunti iyong pianist siya na nga cya hahaha.

  12. Segundina Says:

    Sige pagtulungan ninyo ako. May araw din kayong dalawa sa akin.

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