Let me call you Father Joe and I have a confession to make. Part of it is no longer a secret to you but there are still some that you need to know. And as you read my confession today may your heart understand how painful and difficult it is to bear the pains of nostalgia of our gone by romance; you mean so much to me that I can’t stop my heart from missing you and yearning of your love. And yes, I am crying but you are not here anymore to wipe away those tears in my eyes.
Is it a sin to keep this feeling for so long a time? I have not seen you for a long longtime and the only image I have of you is when you said, “I am leaving.” Yes you left father Joe; but you left too a large imprint of your image in my heart. You also left me a wound that will only heal when I hear you say, ” here I am back and I will never leave you again.” But when will that be father Joe? When will I feel again the warmth of your embrace , the magic of your touch, and the spell of your whisper wheny you say, “I love you.” Tell me, when will I feel that gentle touch and hear words again?
We may be a few miles away from each other but I haven’t heard from you since then; not even a “hi” nor a “how are you.” I know you kept your distance from even greater each day; perhaps a hundred or thousand miles so I will never be able to reach you. Or maybe you’re afraid that a mere a sight of me will be compelling enough to disrupt you with your spiritual journey to life. You are happy there; it’s your world; and this is the totality of your transformed being. You have given your life to serve the Lord in your chosen vocation and I have no reason to flaunt you with your decision. All I could say, you left me here to bear alone the pains of loving you with all of my heart only to lose you at the end…
Happy Father’s Day father Joe, you could have been a good father to our children should our romance been ended in a wedding. It has been some ten years ago when we when two young idealistic people met. I am a dreamer and you’re the philospher. We both shared our dreams but had them written only in the sand; so when the rain had fallen and the wind came by they were gone though the thousands grains of sand that served as the medium have remained in place. You may have forgotten now our dreams father Joe but I still keep them locked in my heart sealed with nothing but the memories of our love.
Yes I have written several chapters to make a book of my life with you but I have no strength and courage to write the last chapter. I reserved it for you. For who can write it for me father Joe but you? I want to hear from you again. I want to know what is in your mind. I want to know if I still have even a little spot at the middle of heart. As of now there’s not much I can do but wait… however to let you go is out of the option. Meanwhile I am here waiting, hoping, and at times cyingin my heart with only the rain listening to my pains.
Padre patawarin po sana ninyo ako kung ako man ay nagkasala. Ako’y isang tao lamang na may pusong umibing at natutong maghamal ng labis labis. Ngunit ako’y isang mortal lamang na maari ding masaktan. Nawa’y dumating din ang araw na buong puso kung tatangapin hindi tayo’y laan para sa isa’t-isa.
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